The quest for Mr. Perfect

I remember the good old days when my grandma would spend an hour every night weaving a tale (mostly a romantic one ... pretty sure it was either her own or one of her dreams!!) as my bedtime story. I didn’t realise how profoundly they had impacted me until recently.

The story often featured a handsome prince, who would find a common girl beautiful, would charm her with his looks and wit, sweep her off the floor, make her question if they belonged together at all, convince her that they did without a doubt, and finally elope with her in his horse into the sunset, to live happily ever after.

All those years of hearing this picture-perfect life almost every night, had subconsciously etched this template and as a result constructed the idea of “Mr. Perfect” in my head. I hate my grandma today for all those nights.

I had become that common girl on the quest to find my Mr. Perfect without understanding the full sense of that redundant story. It was just wrong on so many levels and definitely not a baton to be passed on to the younger generations.

The common girl was a shy, timid girl afraid of standing up to stalkers. The common girl avoided approaching someone even if she liked him because Mr. Perfect would not wait for the girl to approach. The common girl was not ambitious because she was bound to elope with Mr. Prince someday and too much ambition would come in the way of their happiness. The common girl believed that “finding love” or rather “for love to find her” is her only destiny.

So I waited for my Mr. Perfect. Many tried, but they lacked something which didn’t make them my Mr. Perfect. Some couldn’t make me laugh, some didn’t approach me with dignity, some couldn’t make me trust them, some although were courteous and had a sense of humour, didn’t pursue me, and woo me. “So close!” I would think to myself. Undeterred … I continued with my quest. Some were not anywhere near Mr. Perfect and some were not enough to be Mr. Perfect.

28 years done and I was still searching. My Mr. Perfect had not yet come. I could go on but my family obviously couldn’t. I confided in my mother about my quest and grandma’s story. She burst into laughter and asked me if I knew my grandfather. He had died long before I was born of some sickness. My mother revealed that my grandma’s Mr. Perfect was a drunk retard who fell down the well and drowned to his death.

“Whaaaat !!” I gasped. My mom woke me up from my dream into reality and said “Dear, there is no Mr. Perfect. There is hardly any Mr. Decent these days and when you find a Mr. Decent you like, you hold on to him. Mr. Perfect is a myth just like your grandma’s stories.”

My family then found me my Mr. Decent and I have decided to marry him. Hope he doesn’t turn out to be a drunk retard too. Even if he does, I’m definitely not telling the “Mr. Perfect” story to my grandkids.

Cheers! Will be back with another one soon.

Bittersweet - The Finale

 I’m nothing, if not a man of my words and here I am with the Part 2 of Bittersweet as promised – the tale of Aaryan and Sheryl.

Sheryl read his letter and rolled with the thought for about a week, may be a few nights without sleep in her bed too !! Like I said, we have no clue. And Aaryan didn’t want to disturb her and let her come to a conclusion of this relationship on her own terms. But after a week, he just couldn’t resist as he had to leave in a few days and needed a closure. So, he mustered the courage and pinged her, for her to either accept him wholeheartedly or hate him enough to help him move on.

But on the other hand, Sheryl wanted to let him down gently without hurting him and keep him in her life as a friend, which he had been in her head the whole time. So, instead of texting, she was gracious and courteous enough to give him a call to let him know her decision that she wanted no more than a friend in him.

Aaryan accepted her decision but was unwilling to reciprocate. Aaryan was not the type of person to mince his words and not a “cat on the wall” person to stay on in her life with the hope that he might be accepted someday, pretending to be her friend. He had enough scars in his life to have the clarity that it was unwise to stay friends with someone you loved. You always either end up hurting them and hating each other or you hurt yourself with each passing day.

He remembered the words from The Dark Knight - “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain”.

And Aaryan chose to end it as a hero. He conveyed that he couldn’t be the friend she wanted but will always be there in case she needed. At Aaryan’s farewell, she gave him a final hug which would stay with him for the rest of his life as a symbol of their precious moments together, that he would cherish for the rest of his life. To be honest, I guess there were moments of tension whenever their eyes met during his farewell, but both were mature enough to not let it be a discomfort for the others.

And Aaryan flew, to chase another dream of his with just her memories and glimpses of the future they could have shared. But if its not to be, its not to be. You cannot force someone into a relationship and it never lasts even if you somehow manage to do so. So, he closed that door by respecting her choices and her own dreams for her future with no intention of intruding in her life again.

May be they were not meant for each other. Although, his gesture was sweet and love for her was true, there might have been some flaws in him which were beyond repair or acceptance. So with a heavy heart, I assume, she had to turn him down. As always, we never know for sure since this is Aaryan's version.

Everybody has their flaws and to find the acceptance and love of that deeply flawed self is what every human being wants. Aaryan was no different.

Someday, someone shall find his imperfections as the perfect match and there shall also be a “and they lived happily ever after” moment for him. And someday, Sheryl shall also find the man of her dreams and live happily ever after. I wish them both well and thank them for sharing this chapter of their life with me.

I shall be back with another episode of something interesting. Till then, Adios and Cheers!!

Bittersweet

This is not the first nor will be the last of one of my romantic fictions. But here we go again!

The Aaryan Story:

Aaryan (I know it’s a bit cheesy... but trust me!! I don’t want to name even my fictitious characters names like Shiva or Karthik). Long story short ... He had his heart shattered into pieces when his high school sweetheart left him for an older, better looking, rich man from her own community. He tried to drown his sorrows in alcohol, food, and guilt of not being good enough for her. 4 years later, having gained 60 kgs and being thrown out of his house by his family, he shut everyone out of his life including FB, Insta and Twitter so that nobody could even get in touch with him or the worst-case scenario of him stalking his ex on these platforms. He had realized that the people who really wanted to stay would be in touch with him no matter what and the ones who wanted to ... did!! He counted his blessings and moved on to a better job to leave his old life behind.

He started to focus on his work and started to heal himself by adding layers of brutal honesty, insensitivity and a cold exterior so that nobody could ever peel down to expose those wounds again or make him vulnerable. He acted aloof and didn’t get to socialize or participate in any of the office stuff that did not concern his work. He deemed himself unworthy of any girl’s attention and out of everyone’s league and hence, put on a mask that he wasn’t interested in anybody. Then he came across Sheryl.

Sheryl was the new office intern who after a few freelancing gigs, ventured into the corporate world. Her chirpiness, enthusiasm and wit turned so many heads and so did Aaryan’s. But never in the world did Aaryan think that he would be the first to go over and start a conversation with a girl (hadn’t happened in the several years prior) and he couldn’t believe it when she was courteous enough to respond with a smile and have a conversation which stayed with Aaryan for a long time, until his next. He still couldn’t bring himself to get out of his self-loathing and layers that he could cross the barrier of more than an occasional smile when they crossed paths in the cafeteria or in the lobby.

Then, due to some organizational changes, it so happened that Aaryan was shifted to be seated in the same room as Sheryl. Those few glances and smiles turned into an occasional banter, a few laughters and then pulling each others' legs all the time. He could see that she was uncomfortable with smoke, so his addiction of smoking a dozen cigarettes a day gradually had been cut down to a couple a day and none when around her. Also, intentionally it also meant that he could spend his time more during breaks at cafeteria with her. But still, there was still something lurking in the air that did not make him quite confident of approaching her. So, in order to gain her attention and some confidence, he started to lose weight and lost around 30 kgs in a span of 8 months.

But the wounds were still healing and the layers to protect himself from getting hurt kept his guard up and he convinced himself that he would not proceed any further than being friends with her and kept it professional (Well ... at least he tried to!!).

The Sheryl Story: (Strictly from Aaryan’s view)

Sheryl was not the hip party freak liberal Chennai bred girl that Aaryan had assumed, brought up in a metro to be. I know “Regressive” “Presumptuous” “Narrow-minded”. I hear you all loud and clear but maybe Aaryan had to meet Sheryl for him to realize how short sighted he had been. Sheryl was a breath of fresh air around the office, she made friends with everyone almost immediately, dressed quite elegantly and carried herself with such dignity that nobody could even dare to question her values. She was the exact opposite of Aaryan - open-minded, positive, and friendly.

Sheryl started to see Aaryan as a pessimist, misogynist, and self-centered individual but on a few occasions could have been surprised to see that Aaryan’s intentions and words never defied each other and maybe just inclined her enough to notice his existence. We have no clue what happened, but long story short Sheryl just kept it professional apart from a few casual banters about love, life, travel, and marriage – the small talks in cafeteria. And the one time, Aaryan tried to get a bit closer through his so-called witty flirty double entendre, she stopped it right in his tracks and looked at him point blank and said “STOP”. The four letters and that dreaded killer look right into his eyes, sent a chill down his spine but made his admiration for her multifold. While he had come across women who sought attention from any corner they can get, there was this girl, my bad a “WOMAN” who held her moral forte and wouldn’t let anyone let her guard down, no matter how hard they tried.

Aaryan often pondered if her past wounds had hurt her and hence had closed all doors of love or that there was already a door open and wouldn’t let anyone else inside hers. Maybe she was lucky to have found her “One”. He still has no clue. But he respected her words and kept away from crossing her line. So, he showed up to the office less and just focused on his career and his life.

The Cliffhanger:

The more he focused, he kept getting better at his job and now has to go away to take up a global role.

The time away from her, her humility yet authority in getting the job done, the admiration for her sheer persona all kept coming back to Aaryan and the layers he had built to protect him kept peeling away just to make him vulnerable to get hurt again and worse give his heart a chance to be shattered into a thousand pieces again from which he might never recover again. This scared him to the core. He could have all he wanted or he could be left broken again. The dilemma of having a friend, to whom he never proclaimed his love for her, could haunt him as a regret forever. On the other hand, he could lose a friend, who left his heart broken to never recover and reel from that loss forever.

 

What would he choose?

Should have, could have, would have – all these recount our past which we shall never get to live and the guilt of never having the courage to get hurt again. So, since the ball was not in his court, he remembered the lines

“Why do we fall son?  So that we learn to get back up again”. (Courtesy – The Batman)

“Anything that does not kill you makes you stronger.” (Courtesy – Harvey Specter, Suits)

So he decided to express his dilemma in an emotion that he connects with the most – Words!!

And give it for her to read so that she be the one to decide the course of their relationship.

And knowing her... She would probably give it a smile and say I’m sorry to not hurt Aaryan. Or she’d be that blurred picture in the wedding gown in his dream beach wedding!!

So, I leave you at this cliffhanger with the promise that I’ll be back with Part 2 of what happened – A tale of how strong Aaryan recovered or how their dream wedding was.

Cheers !! Happy to be back !! 

 

Bas Saans Lete Raho ...

Stupid .. Dull .. Boring .. Rohit Shetty .. Stupid again .. Man !! "I don't know what to watch anymore" I thought as I threw my remote onto the couch and I walked to the balcony to see if any humanlife was visible in the near distance. Only barricades and blockades .. a lot of them indeed. I could see the ravens (too much GOT !!) .. crows caw in hunger and even that had started to sound like music. Alexa had gone out of options to suggest me, whoever said "ghar ka dal chawal jaise nahi" wouldn't have definitely spent 4 months eating just that. I remember the scene from Aayirathil Oruvan where Karthik sees images of beer and tandoori floating away infront of him out of hunger. Life was just that. Lockdowns have indeed changed our lives.


But,

I had an active internet connection so that I could complain about the lockdown on twitter, mom to cook me three square meals to give me the strength to whine on my blog, enough money to keep my family going inspite of losing my job and above all that, I have not contracted the disease so far nor had I succumbed to the temptations of killing my self outta frustration of the present and despair of the impending doom in future.

So, my point is

Count yourself lucky to be alive
Count yourself lucky to be breathing easy
Count yourself lucky to be able to feed your family
Count yourself lucky to be funded
Count yourself lucky to live this very moment
Count yourself lucky to have recovered

Count all your blessings and the people together in this journey around the world and reach out for help !! You're not alone !! You never will be ..

Bas Saans Lete Raho !! Just Breathe !!

Dear Love ..

Dear Love ..

I pondered the entire day trying to recount the encounter I've had with you so far in my life.

We have had a very on and off relationship with each other since my school days.. it took me a while to recognise that it was you and not just an infactuation or a crush ( Your stupid silly siblings confusing the lives of teenagers). And trust me, she tried her level best to blame it on them for the reason she looked smitten every time our eyes met. And even I brushed my feelings aside trying to ignore you till the moment she decided to bid a goodbye to our short time together.

She left and you showed up on my doorstep the next day. I blame you for all the sleepless nights I've had and my blunt emotionless demeanour while she was gone. You tormented me, made me jealous, angry and vulnerable at the same time. I fought you day in and day out trying to push you away from my life but you clingy creature hung on till I gave up and conceded to you. It was you - Love.

I wondered if its just the feeling of you was what I was missing then I could just find you in someone else again. But you evil twisted genius,you proved me wrong. It was her and none else. None could me make me feel you. And I admit. I enjoy your company.

So, the pursuit. Acted aloof, stalked her, drunk dialled her and did a thousand other things which would have gotten me a bloody restraining order had I been abroad. But India me toh this is the guide to find you. Finally gave up on my pursuit and gave up my hope of finding you ever back.

I let her move on. Sad and in agony, I missed you through her everyday for a horrible phase of my life. And finally out of pity, you evil twisted genius, decided to knock on her door.

And this time, we have both decided to grasp onto you. We're not letting you go.

So, I concede to you through her and I promise to treat you right this time. Enough of me trying to push you away and abusing you. I don't find happiness without you. I wanna wake up everyday knowing that you are in my life with her beside me. And for the part of you in her, I vouch for her happiness, her safety, her comfort and everything which makes her complete with you in her life through me.

In all, thanks for this bittersweet relationship we've had with each other and with her.

Sincerely yours,