Lost Love

How do I even begin this love story ?

This is not a one side love story. It was mutual but only one could say it out loud. 

She was the elder sister and me a younger brother. You must have already guessed the climax. It's definitely not a pleasant one for me. I really really hope she is happy in her life. This is a dedication to her unconditional love. And I'm really sorry I could not reciprocate it at the time. 

Every time life throws a hail mary, somehow I happen to catch it. When life gave me a blessing 

I happened to miss it. Irony right !!

Btw .. she was a beautiful soul who loved me just because she liked me.

She cooked for me, was independent, always had my back even though I kept pushing her away. 

At some point everyone has to face life and parents. I cannot forget her last words and tears when we broke apart.

"I still love you"

I didn't have it in me to say it back and fight against societal norms. I was a coward. I'm sorry.

But I still love you - you beautiful flower creeper.

Signature Graduates

 I've never written something in tamil .. 

Ellarukkum oru moment varum la ,, may be in 20s or 30s ... depending on how wise you are .. enakku varala !!

Idu dan vaazhka nu nenachu pona aayirthil oruvan naa .. idu illa da vaazhka nu prove panna nanbarbalum irundaanga ,, but dairiyim varala .. kudumba edirpaapu .. naan kadandu pona kaalangangalla senja seiyal .. nee vera da nu solluchu ..

Ennatha vera !! ellarum onnu dan nu puriya 30 varusham aagiduchu .. first mark last mark ellam artham illama pogiduchu .. namma yaaru nu ne theriyala ... enakku mattum illa .. ethana perukku theriyum ??

Nimmadi thedi pala vela pala naadu  .. 

But enna punnniyam .. 

Edaavadu pannanum .. kaasu irukku ,, but enna panradu nu theriyala 

But enna panradu .. kudumba edirpaarpu .. samudaiyam enna nenaikkum nu thadumaatrum .. friends lan enna ennnamo aagitaanga .. nee ida panna poriya nu ngra kelvikku badilum illa .. 

Idula kalyanam .. kudumbam .. children .. ellarum ida dan panrannaga .. idukku nee edukku nu manasukkulla oru porattam vera..

Badil solla yaarum illa .. panna neraya irukku .. but oruvela ennakku dan thairiyum illayo .. unma dan .. avan avan bank velaya vittutu master maadiri padam edukkaran .. (Lokesh universe)

Enna maadiri ethana perunu theriyala .. edo seiya aasai .. but vaazhka odradukku edo panniktu irukkom .. 

Life la porandappa ipdi aayidlam ,, apdi pannidlam nu aayirom yosichen .. but evano sambaarikka vela paathuktu irukken .. 

Thalaivar STR solra maadiri ... "Enna vaazhka da moment" 

Edo panniktu ethana naal theliva irukka mudiyum nu theriyala .. enna panradu ne theriyaadavan eda nokki oduvan ?

Saabam sir life !!

Unmaiya sollanum nu na .. enakkum ellathaiyum vittutu poi screenplay writing kathukkkanum nu aasai .. 

But nadakka poguda enna .. Others' fulfill the hopes of those who take advantage of others' cowardice .. 

Let them do so .. I'm just happy to see my thalaivar Ulaganayagan as Vikram. Hope to see much more. 

Oru podcast aarambichu ivangala interview edukka mudinjaale en baagyam dan .. 

Ida publish pannalama venama nu kooda oru doubt dan .. but enna aanalum paathukkalam .. just won't promote it though !! 

Live your life guys .. One life .. 

Cheers !!

Signing off

The Rollercoaster called Life and 3Qs

This is not intended for all you folks who advertise your success and promotions on Linkedin and Facebook but for introverts like me who face nothing but adversities and are challenged everyday for their basic survival. It's a rollercoaster for most of us and I'm not ashamed to admit it. 

Two steps up and four steps down has been the story of my life. So much so that I'm not interested in advertising my success nor admitting my failure. It's mostly failure and may be that's why I feel so. 

Whenever I feel bogged down or hit a wall .. there are only three questions which help me either to feel better or worse about the situation.

First .. Am in control of this situation ?

If the answer is no .. I'm human and feel disappointed but if I'm not in control .. there is not much I can do about it and just think about the consequences when and whenever it occurs. 

Second .. if the answer is yes .. 

What can I do to change it to my preferred consequences ?

I get to action and I regain my best and act on it. 

Third .. the most critical..

Can I do something to influence the decision maker's actions to act on my behalf ? 

This is very tricky and is what mostly occurs when we hit a wall. 

There is no fixed answer to this .. this may be an emotional outreach or a logical alternative or a jugaad out of the template altogether. 

The ultimate idea is not to worry ahead of time and let it ruin your peace of mind. For, if you lose your temperament, the best of your decisions turn into an emotional outbreak and you tend to ruin your relationships forever. 

So chill .. and let destiny take your life ahead. Just address the 3Qs and if you're still unable to sort out your life .. let it take its course. 

Cheers,

See you then next time.

Mayakkam Enna - The magic

Hi folks,

This is not a review or an attempt to be critical of the movie but an honest hard-hitting confession that we fail to acknowledge some masterpieces and give them credit where it's due. 

The magic "Mayakkam Enna"  created by director Selvaraghavan which I as an  idiot couldn’t appreciate during the movie’s release.

From the protagonist's perspective this time. And it's not Dhanush I speak of. It's Richa who stole the show with her stellar portrayal of Yamini. 

Yamini

I was intrigued at first when I met Genius. I dated his friend first who had his own problems.. not that I would say that genius didn’t have the same problems.

But attraction is not something derived rather than desired.. I hated his gestures and his attitude towards women ..  Me to be honest !!

 

I’m still yet to figure out why I liked him in the first place ..I would share glances at him. I’d go out with his friend only when he was there to accompany us. Genius ! that he was .. he figured it out that I was curious about him rather than his friend.

 

He ran away when we kissed .. long story short ..men realise it only with physical action (not emotionally efficient)

 

I tried to help him during his struggling days ( I still do BTW) which he mistook as pity and not love as I was still dating his friend.

 

He needed a physical reaction so I did my part when he returned.  But  he was hesitant that it’d ruin his friendship with his friend. So he tried to shy away .. I’ve always had to be the one to take the first step (apologies to all women out there).

 

Marriage

 

Men need to heal themselves first before they get into any relationship.. love or marriage !!

 

But since I’d fallen head over heels in love with him .. I trusted him to get married. But as you know,  disappointed men disappoint you eventually. His life as a failed photographer failed my marriage too to the point that his friend proposed a sexual out and we lost our child as well.

 

The easy way would have been to quit this loser and move on but what’s life if you’re not strong. So I strived with this asshole sending his every pic to every magazine known which helped him become successful eventually.

 

I don’t want to be the pillar of his success, just the support system to his redemption and healing.

 

You’d never find a person who doesn’t fail. Everyone fails eventually.

 

Just be there. Love them unconditionally. There were times he would physically abuse me as well. I’m not saying that it’s okay to bear all that .. just putting across the fact that everyone is flawed.

 

Make them stronger .. with your presence and your grit. How long could they even not realize ??

 

He did eventually and he is this famous sober photographer who won the international award for the best photographer of the year.

 

I still love him by the way. Strength is what you put up with not what you’re born with. Become strong because men need strong women even if they don’t realise it.

 

Yours,

Yamini – courtesy Director Selvaraghavan

The quest for Mr. Perfect

I remember the good old days when my grandma would spend an hour every night weaving a tale (mostly a romantic one ... pretty sure it was either her own or one of her dreams!!) as my bedtime story. I didn’t realise how profoundly they had impacted me until recently.

The story often featured a handsome prince, who would find a common girl beautiful, would charm her with his looks and wit, sweep her off the floor, make her question if they belonged together at all, convince her that they did without a doubt, and finally elope with her in his horse into the sunset, to live happily ever after.

All those years of hearing this picture-perfect life almost every night, had subconsciously etched this template and as a result constructed the idea of “Mr. Perfect” in my head. I hate my grandma today for all those nights.

I had become that common girl on the quest to find my Mr. Perfect without understanding the full sense of that redundant story. It was just wrong on so many levels and definitely not a baton to be passed on to the younger generations.

The common girl was a shy, timid girl afraid of standing up to stalkers. The common girl avoided approaching someone even if she liked him because Mr. Perfect would not wait for the girl to approach. The common girl was not ambitious because she was bound to elope with Mr. Prince someday and too much ambition would come in the way of their happiness. The common girl believed that “finding love” or rather “for love to find her” is her only destiny.

So I waited for my Mr. Perfect. Many tried, but they lacked something which didn’t make them my Mr. Perfect. Some couldn’t make me laugh, some didn’t approach me with dignity, some couldn’t make me trust them, some although were courteous and had a sense of humour, didn’t pursue me, and woo me. “So close!” I would think to myself. Undeterred … I continued with my quest. Some were not anywhere near Mr. Perfect and some were not enough to be Mr. Perfect.

28 years done and I was still searching. My Mr. Perfect had not yet come. I could go on but my family obviously couldn’t. I confided in my mother about my quest and grandma’s story. She burst into laughter and asked me if I knew my grandfather. He had died long before I was born of some sickness. My mother revealed that my grandma’s Mr. Perfect was a drunk retard who fell down the well and drowned to his death.

“Whaaaat !!” I gasped. My mom woke me up from my dream into reality and said “Dear, there is no Mr. Perfect. There is hardly any Mr. Decent these days and when you find a Mr. Decent you like, you hold on to him. Mr. Perfect is a myth just like your grandma’s stories.”

My family then found me my Mr. Decent and I have decided to marry him. Hope he doesn’t turn out to be a drunk retard too. Even if he does, I’m definitely not telling the “Mr. Perfect” story to my grandkids.

Cheers! Will be back with another one soon.