Aap Jaisa Koi !!

Watching this romcom of Madhavan and Fatima, I felt a quiet friction - between romance and gender role, between emotional language and social expectation. Especially for men, the terrain of adaptation feels steep and unforgiving.

Across generations, men have inherited a role forged in duty and restraint. Strength was their language. Vulnerability, a dissonant chord. But with evolving societal norms, especially the rise of feminist consciousness, the expectations around masculinity are shifting fast, sometimes too fast to be humane.

While feminism has earned space to evolve - rightfully, and often loudly, masculinity is expected to transform instantly. Men are asked to unlearn centuries of silence, rewire expressions, and soften edges without first being offered a vocabulary, let alone grace.

When Fatima says her ex was a MCP - Male Chauvinist Pig so conveniently and casually, I wonder, would it be received with the same non chalance had her ex called her a PFB - Pseudo Feministic Bitch ??

Labels sting differently when the power to use them isn’t mutual. This asymmetry cuts deeper than discomfort. It cuts into identity.

Women today navigate multiple roles—professional, personal, emotional—with increasing societal permission. They’re allowed nuance. Men, meanwhile, are often stuck between the outdated model of dominance and the modern demand for emotional fluency. There’s no handbook. Just judgment.

In relationships, this tension manifests starkly.
Many modern partnerships preach equality but practice conditional freedom: where a woman may choose whether to work, but a man is expected to earn more than the woman, without complaint. Emotional depth is encouraged, but only if it doesn't distract from financial reliability.

The world might collapse if a man were to ask for the "choice to work."
Obviously! because kamaana toh mard ka kaam hai!
There's even a saying in Tamil: "Udyogam purusha lakshanam" - Employment is the mark of a man.

So men are born with, grow up with, and live under the expectation that they must work, and only then will they be deemed “men.”

I once met a potential partner who mentioned that her ideal partner should earn at least five digits per month. Yet, she had been at home for ten years post-college, still figuring out her own career. Had I called out the hypocrisy, I would’ve been branded a chauvinist. I was expected to accept it gracefully and provide for both of us, without a fuss.

But we choose not to call it hypocrisy. It’s a culture mid-transition. And transitions are messy. The divorce rates don't help the cause either.

Popular media only muddies the water.
Soap operas simplify emotion into spectacle. Male characters are either brutes or broken. Female characters oscillate between victimhood and vengeance. Rarely do we see stories where both navigate complexity with dignity.

What we need is a world where men and women are both allowed to feel, falter, and grow. Let go of rigid expectations—providers and nurturers can be any gender. We need stories that reflect nuanced masculinity, not just punished patriarchy. Don’t demand immediate transformation. Invite it with empathy.

Men aren't afraid of feeling.
They're afraid of being punished for feeling.
Ashamed for wanting to build together.

Let’s build spaces - be it a classroom, a café, or a culture—that invite everyone to unlearn with dignity. The wall doesn’t need demolition - it needs windows. Let it be carved, not cracked. Painted, not judged. Maybe then, we’ll outgrow the need for labels like MCP or PFB. Maybe then, we’ll stop defining each other by how loudly we resist or conform and start listening to the quiet truths we all carry.

The Constant !!

I’m not perfect. Never tried to be. I don't put on a mask.

I’ve lived, I’ve learned, I’ve unlearned.
I’ve built things - careers, resilience, inner calm
But I’m still building me.
Not for applause. Not for performance.

Just to keep becoming someone I can quietly be proud of.

I’ve been the provider, the planner, the pillar.
But I’d like to be the partner now, not just the protector.
I want ease.

I want a partner who meets me in the quiet and the chaos
Who values connection over convention.
Movies we don’t finish because the conversation’s better.
Maybe a couple of beers, maybe herbal tea - doesn’t matter.
Just the comfort of us.

Let me have mine. Let her have hers. 
And when our days meet , we meet softly, with laughter, with lightness.
No deadline for children.
No debt wrapped in someone else’s expectations.
because she wants to talk to me, not because she has to.

I want to be seen.
Loved not because I check a list, but because I bring peace to her soul the way she does to mine.
Just real. 

I carry responsibility well, though I won’t pretend it’s always light.
I don’t need a ceremony that dazzles or a relationship that performs.
Late-night banter under a blanket.
Let her have her space, her pace, her purpose.
No pressure for perfection.
Just a text that says “miss you” or “what’s for dinner?”

I don't want to be somebody's trophy husband, nor someone’s sole support beam.
I'll be the poet she wants, I want her to be the soul of the poem
Not flawless. Just free.

That's the Constant I seek.

GBU - The World

 Courtesy Mr. AK and AR and a poem

The Good : 

You're always born new, naive to the world, brought up by probably parents with virtues to follow rules, adhere to them, obey by law, respect everyone,  to be sweet and good to everyone around us.

You are 10 years now. You realise that there is a section where you're asked to tick a checkbox in a sheet at in a new school (parents were checking it for us till then, if not more). You wonder what that means ! No clue. You ask your parents and they say its nothing but a formality. They keep you naive. 

There is a teacher/ bully in school who doesn't treat you equally because you're new/ dominance/ whatever.

You go to college and then you try to be the best at everything possible. But someone doesn't like it. Not sure why. But someone always doesn't. 

You stay true to yourself and your upbringing and somehow struggle through all this to workspace. Someone feels threatened. Someone feels jealous. Now where is the good in this you wonder !!

So you go to ..

The Bad :

You're not a new born now. You've seen the reality of this world. You've learnt. You pick up on things.

You teach your kid at school to be cautious. Not to take even a biscuit from anyone, You teach them the meaning of good touch and bad touch. You give them a cellphone and not a smartphone to reach you. You ask them to report the incident even if its a teacher trying to discipline you. 

You're in college now. You know your departments and whom not to mess with, There are still bullies and seniors trying to shadow your talent. But now that you know that it's persistent, you try to stand up. But they have been doing this for a living. So you succumb. You're still hopeful.

You go to work. There are managers who know what you're capable of and try to dominate you through micromanagement and deadlines because they are insecure. You have liabilities and a family to look after. So you succumb and play the slave. It's not fun but it pays. 

Then comes authority through associations, trusts, invisisible creatures who want to suck on your hard earned money after GST of course. Now you feel like enough is enough .. let's turn the tables around and get to ..

The Ugly :

You're a new born again. Not in another life ,, but in your beliefs. You know the ins and outs of everything around.

Time to Unlearn the World and rediscover it through your new redefined lenses.

You know enough that schools are nothing but an institution to condition children to follow the good. Virtues don't mean their essence in words. Rules are there to control the masses and let the few shrewd/ rich ones inside. 

You know that laws are indeed not made by the government, You know to play the fool when required and play the goon when your close ones are in dire need. You know that love indeed has lost all meaning and you try to be cautious of who might fool you. Transactions only basis, You have become a pessimist. Actually the world has caused it. 

Bullies at school and college - now no longer exist because they know you can hack into their personal lives and mess with them in ways they wondered possible.

Workplace - Jessica Pearson at work. While everyone is busy playing snakes and ladders, you're playing chess. Two moves ahead at every step. 

World would call you names like XYZ, cold, devoid of emotions, outcast etc. Would try every trick like norms, rules, laws, authority, etc to condition you.

But be the maverick, be unprecedented, unheard of, unpredictable, be good to the good, be bad to the bad and ugly to the ones who deserve it. 

Be unapolegitically YOU.

Adios Amigos till next !!

Well ..

 Moving on !! Sounds like a great theme right ?? Not actually. Movies, the ones that dwelve about too much into it .. making us dream of a path to resurrection and redemption of self ! A great storyline. But nobody shows the reality of it. Padayappa .. Suryavamsam ,, and even the recent Dragon .. same theme !!

Have to give credit to the Dragon team though for keeping it as real as possible. Behind every fake attempt at redemption, there is a true fall. Well .. coming onto our theme ,, moving on,

Moving on involves horrible, terrible, painful, shameful experiences which we will definitely forget by addiction. But we leave a haunting experience on those beside us during this wretched journey of overcomiung someone who is not in our lives anymore, so much so,  that we forget the ones who are still standing by us and we continue to hurt them everyday while we try to cross this phase.

I heard this word "Break Up" being referred to as "Moving On" in some TV show. Wish it had been as simple as that. We would be probably moving on much faster in life in literal sense. But what does it do instead ?

Brakes !! 

Puts us in a limbo ! A state of not knowing one's own being. A persistent non chalant existence of pain which never fades away. You're there but not entirely ! Remember 96's Ram in classroom who misses the one day Jaanu is out of class on fever and the miss shouts .. Ramachandran .. shall I put physically present ?? It's quite similar but just longer. 

Makes us grieve others' happiness and wonder why it's just not happening with us. Are we at fault ? Of course yes ! But we seldom seek apology. So our egoistic self chooses Sorrow, Love is not the only thing that is blind folks because it just doesn't exist anymore. We are blinded by our own ego mostly.

So all these above confusing emotions coexist and they are less guaranteed to let you live in harmony with yourself. But .. time happens .. limbo exists and leaves without uttering a word. You get better at knowing yourself. 

And .. like the dusk has to end at dawn .. even in Iceland winters .. It does come to an end to just greet it with .. yeah why not ? 

Some hope just knocks on your door, Life is filled with surprises .. mostly unpleasant but some genuinely pleasant selves. So just breathe, live the moment, rough the tough and get up because you have another day to live. Open the door !!

Who knows .. you might be actually moving on to something better in life !! 

Adios Amigos !! Have a great weekend !! And Move On !!

Till the next time !! 

Beyond the Script !!

As a budding screenplay writer,

I've always been drawn to the world of storytelling. But little did  I know that my own life would become a complex narrative, filled with twists and turns that would test my resolve.

Growing up, I've navigated the challenges of a fractured family dynamic. The differences between my parents, particularly my father's choices, have left an indelible mark on my life. It's as if the script of my childhood was rewritten, leaving me to question my own identity and aspirations.

Despite these hurdles, my passion for storytelling remains unwavering. I see the world as a canvas, waiting to be filled with vibrant characters, poignant dialogue, and cinematic landscapes. My imagination is a refuge, a sanctuary where I can temporarily escape the complexities of my personal life.

Yet, the weight of my father's expectations and the lingering emotions of my family's past continue to influence my creative journey. I'm torn between pursuing my dreams and meeting the obligations that have been placed upon me.

In this delicate dance between creativity and responsibility, I'm forced to confront the very fabric of my being. Who am I, beyond the script of my life? What stories do I want to tell, and how will I find the courage to share them with the world?

My journey is a testament to the human spirit's capacity for resilience and adaptation. As I navigate the complexities of my past, present, and future, I remember telling myself that your story is still being written.

So I sat down, put pen to paper and everything else just flowed. Didn't happen in a day or two. I had to forget my past to discover my present for a better tomorrow. 

Meeting SK was a similar incident, his journey nothing less painful than mine. But together, we announced to the world - We're here and here to rule ! 

The pen is in your hand, and the possibilities are endless.

Keep writing, and know that your unique voice and perspective will one day shine through the noise.