Single, Yet again :)

" Men can never be friends with the women they find attractive. "

And I was no exception . I too, fell for this beautiful girl, a junior at my college.
The 1st step for modern love is friendship. Though it may not last long, we all wish that in the so called " friendship " period, it turns into a relationship ( may or may not be love ).
And it so did for me. I was good enough to woo her and soon my status " Single " upgraded to " Committed ".

Everything seemed to be very interesting and new for the first few months. But once I start seeing her, I saw my world turn upside down. I did everything to make her happy. But I soon realised that making a woman happy is not just hard but nearly impossible.

Looking back at the six months I had spent with her, it is kinda weird. There was a clear influence of a woman . I missed my freedom, which the girls would rather prefer to call senseless, disordered, etc. .
In my effort to make her happy, I had lost all my happiness. Small small things which make a guy's world weren't mine any more.

A 7 rupee coffee at the Nescafe now cost me over 40 at the CCD. ( Not to forget that I was the one supposed to be paying for her !! )
Seeing the mobile, show " Balance 0.04 Rs " is indeed a pleasure I was so deprived of. Believe me ! for the first time in my life, I recharged for 500 bucks and it stayed that way all the six months.

I no longer played in my college football matches just because I had to meet her " EVERY EVENING ". I literally was dropped from the team which I hated the most.
There is one thing about being in a relationship, you sacrifice things saying to yourself " C'mon !! its only for her " but they just don't seem to give a damn about it.

I attended stupid b'day parties of her friends with just TV and popcorn as my sole companions. After all, it was a girls' night out :(

I missed all the ManU matches which I used to watch with my friends at the pub just because she'd want me to chat with her on gtalk all night. And due to this I was getting away and away from my friends, who left me out on all their Discos and Parties. I had been labelled " the phone guy ".

I was forced to watch stupid Hrithik Roshan and Madavan movies. 3 movies per month in PVR cinemas almost burnt a hole in my purse. I was so much outta my mind !!

I ate more chocolates and ice creams in these six months than in my whole life put together. They had been my last options, if not starve.
I bought her a " Teddy " for her b'day. The shop-keeper asked me " Girlfriend ? " . I must have said " yes, I'm so stupid ". And not only that my room was getting cleaner and neater. The clothes and books weren't messed up anymore. I even arranged flowers in my vase. Such a" woman " thing !! My deospray had turned into a cologne and I was shaving regularly.

Once you get into a relationship, in order to impress her you do a lot of things which you would not do otherwise. You try to be more decent and selective with the words you use. Being sarcastic was my way of being fun but now that was the one thing I could never do. Like I said " Please stay honey !! Please " when I actually thought " Please get out. You've bored me enough "
" You've a pleasant taste. My room now looks just beautiful !! ", which should have been " C'mon you lady !! can't you add more pink to my room. This sucks !! ".
" Dear, can you get me another brownie please ... " and I said " sure ! anything for you honey ! " ( of course ! my mistress, you're yet to pay me my 5 months' salary )
" Is there anything I can do about this ? " ... " No its fine baby ! It wasn't your fault " ( Fuck off you lady, you've ruined my life already. What more can you do to me ? )

All these were okay to some extent, but more importantly I hadn't hit on a girl for so long now !! :( :( which was the worst.

" Oh God ! what has this girl done to me ? ? ", I asked myself.
I had said YES to her the whole time and the 1st time I said a NO, we had a fight. I blew it up on purpose and had my cherished SINGLE status back. It was such a struggle !!
( I still miss the hugs and kisses though :( )
" Of course ! you gotta lose something to win something " and in this case it was my freedom and
a " Man's world " that I had won.
I hadn't checked out on anyone in these days and so now ladies here I am,
" HOW YOU DOING ;) ?? "

Not Again :(

Sometimes dwelling on your past can be too bad and its even worse for his friend. You'll see why . .

Arjun: My life is so fucked up. And today !!! ( Takes a shot )
Rahul: C'mon man !! u're doing no good by drinking this much . . .
Arjun: ( To the bartender ) one more large pls . . .
Rahul: one more ? ? ? now wait !!! wat happened this time ?
Arjun: Don't you know ?
Rahul: Oh ! Its her again ? NOOOOOO!!!
Arjun: Hey!! I'm the one supposed to be freaked out here . Not u !!
Rahul: We've just had this a week back . I can't go through the same thing yet again . Well ! guess what . I'm leaving .
Arjun: Then pay your bill and leave .
Rahul: okies !! i'll stay then . ( To the bartender ) one more for me . So what today ? Saw her again ?
Arjun: Yeah !! was leaving home after the movie . I was so happy till then .
Rahul: So what ? you're sad now that you saw her ??
Arjun: Not that !! whenever i see her, the whole thing just runs into my mind .
Rahul: You can't forever think of that . Forget her !!
Arjun: Forget her ?Well, how? how can I ??
Rahul: ( Takes a sip ) C'mon dude ! like you were not even in a relationship with her.
Arjun: But it was budding stages and i spoilt all the 8 years of friendship that we shared .
Rahul: Friendship ? dude, you were in love with her from the moment you saw her in school.
Arjun: I was , but may be she didn know that !!
Rahul: She had to know that one day . . . and when she did, she left you .
Arjun: I believed her friend would not tell her . I was wrong :(
Rahul: No . . . you were just trying out your luck . Don't blame it all on you . Things like these happen .
Arjun: We were so good till then !!
Rahul: Good what ? Good lovers ? you guys were just friends . She was way too conservative for you . May be she wasn't your " ONE " .
Arjun: But i can't get her outta my system . How do i forget her ?
Rahul: I'll tell you what ? Just think of her as something really bad . . .
Arjun: Like what ? A bitch ????
Rahul: May be !!
Arjun: No !! She wasn't a bitch . I can't think of her that way . It wasn't her fault, it was all mine .
I shouldn't have told her friend at all . May be her friend WAS a Bitch .
Rahul: However many times you say that , that ain't gonna make you feel any better . Just get over her . . .
Arjun: Is there anyway I can get her back ??
Rahul: NOOOO !!! Like she hasn't spoken to you for 4 years now and you've done everything to convince her . Its not gonna workout dude !!
Arjun: Can't you say something soothing ? But you're right . Its really stupid to spend all my time thinking of someone who doesn't even wanna see my face .
Rahul: Now you sound more sane ! way to go dude . . .
Arjun: yeah ! from now on am not even gonna think about her . . .



( A WEEK LATER )


Arjun: She was beautiful today !!
Rahul: NOT AGAIN !!! :( ( Takes a shot )

back to kindergarten

" you'll be suspended , debarred , dismissed ! "

Have you ever had to hear all these words ?

well i have , and that too for the most criminal act of TALKING in the class .

Stupidity ! isn't it . well that's what my college is all about ..

Once i was caught talking in the class and i , along with a few others , were dragged to the most dreaded disciplinary committee (even worse than the disco in five point someone) .

On my way there i was asking to myself "wait a second .. are these people insane ? or have they gone nuts ? "

Well we all come to college to meet friends , chat and enjoy with them ( if not all , atleast i did , just for that ) and its inhuman to stop us from doing what we love to .. (the prof was lecturing though )

so the disciplinary committee ..

the set up was as thou' if i had entered a police station (just the khaki was missing) . Questions were fired from all directions asking me the reason for this so called crime of mine .. talking .

If the counsellor there had known the fairer sex better .. he w'd have known that chatting didn require any special reasons ..

well ! half an hour into the enquiry , i was standing there half asleep , listening to those impractical punishments which i had mentioned at the start .. i didn know how to react to that idiot who was blowing up the lamest issue on earth .. it was like an acting course for me where i was supposed to act guilty and control my laughter .

he accused me of almost every possible mistake in the world . Thanks to the PWD .. his water supply was still on . else i would have been accused of that too ..

like all proud prof he too shared (actually boasted) an experience of his where he had suspended a student for five days .. ( i thought of fetching him a place in the guiness book of records .. what an achievement ! )

So , at the end of it , we negotiated and i was asked to give an letter which read as follows ..

To

The Counsellor,

Disciplinary committee ,

PEC , Pondicherry

From

Dinesh.S

2nd , B.Tech ,

Mech.Engg.

PEC .

Respected Sir ,

I've been found guilty of talking , poking ma neighbour,disturbing the class , staring the lec. in the class continuously .

I hereby undertake and pledge that i'll not continue such actions .. and if found guilty again , i promise to bring my parents and also pay a fine of rs 500 .

thanking you wholeheartedly ,

yours faithfully,

dinesh .

well ! i didn mean a single word in the letter .. and so am saving the fine amount for the next crime ..

guys .. please do believe .. im in a college (which has just turned out to be worser than a kindergarten ) ..

the poet in me

well .. i hadn discovered the poet residing in me until i knew emotions .. infact expressing emotions . Poems have now become my inevitable tools( weapons actually ) to express ma emotions better. so just thought why not prick you guys with this first ever collection of mine .. ( sorry if i'm lame )

why me ?

she walked into ma life ..

just to leave her footprints behind ..

in gutters

now i'm alone ..

for she was the queen of ma heart's throne ..

and if she had , had well known

she wouldn have had me thrown .. in gutters

Angels ?

i was not able to define angels ..

till the moment i saw her .

Silence kills

she uttered no word ..

but killed me without a sword .

against me she used no violence ..

but just silence .

Roads of life

so much complicated is this world ..

at every stage its mysteries unfold ,

thousands of roads it has to offer ..

but not all are as crunchy as wafer .

so choose the road by your heart ..

else .. you might lose life's most thrilling part .

Into my life

she came into ma life like a drop of dew ..

girls like her were so very few ..

her smile made my heart melt ..

may be in love i was i felt .

Teen cycle

quite fascinating she was

no beauty could ever surpass

my world had taken a pause ..

as gentle as breeze she crossed ..

but .. all these thoughts had washed

and my heart had her instantly lost .

to her friend had switched over my focus ..

my eyes followed her and traced her locus ..

c'mon ! a man's heart is like a monkey new born ..

and this cycle of mine kept on and on and on ..

untiring love

to me you are so much dear

ma efforts to reach you will never tire

you is all i desire ..

for

you set ma heart on fire ..

crazy world

love is the way to heart break city ..

but so willing are people .. man! its a pity ..

Thank you

thank you ,

for not returning my smile

for not talking even when i had tried a 1000 times

for avoiding me at all possibilities

for neglecting whenever you saw me

for not revealing the secret of a woman's heart

for teaching me to live without you

and finally

thank you for whatever i'm today

.. dinesh ..

and now it'd be completely unfair on my part if i had failed to thank you all for spending and wasting your worthfull time of yours on this nonsense of mine . Keep it up .

YOUNGER PRESSURE

This one is for all those younger brothers who've a much more successful sibling ...

"Being the youngest child in the family is a blessing ."

I too believed in this until i got into the world of competition. May be its my life , but people around me want it to shape their way ..

Failure is no longer decided by us . It is the society which decides it . Thank God ! I'm blessed with parents who've not forced me into things which i'm reluctant about . Nor have they compared me with my elder one .

But the circle around you can be so cruel , comparing and intimidating at times when you find yourself somewhere below the levels set by your own bro ...

It all started when i secured lesser marks than my bro in the 10th board exams . 93% is not that poor by any standards , but of course was by the standards my bro had set . People around looked down upon me as if i was earning my bread at their mercy ...

This was my first step into the world of comparison , my first experience of an unexplicable feeling and i experienced the same for the next 2 years also . Whatever i did i was then compared with my bro and i was accused of being below par with my bro .

Man ! i got all screwed up with this as i found even illiterate relatives of mine talking about my weakness in organic chemistry as compared to my bro ..

I've always wanted my bro to be successful in whatever he did but then i cursed him for the marks he secured in organic chemistry ..

"The comparison thing " was driving me mad .

The next big so called failure occurred when my bro got into NIT and me in PEC , a decent college but not as good as a NIT .

People in Pondicherry have always considered PEC a haven . My relatives are elated when i say i do my mechanical engg. in PEC but sneer, when they find my bro in NIT, which just is just disgusting .

Goodness , i got into mech engg. .Else i would have been accused of getting into the benches of TCS in my later years .

I can bear all this . But man ! who wants to study in a " local " college where you are always under the scanner of being seen around with girls or may be in a pub . I seriously wanted to get outta home , but unfortunately just didn't happen .

This was not the worst part . The way i feel whenever my bro tells me how he hangs around with chicks , boozes , bunks classes , plays football all the while makes me " really jealous " .

Whenever he comes home for his sem holidays , i'll have to act his porter and driver . I would have to buy his favourites ( which include .. you know what) . Serve him like a waiter as my mom says " your poor bro , he gets to come home only for a week " . King at college and King at home . Blessed ? who me ?

Man ! he must be the happiest person .

Comparison and playing the host were better devils ...

but now i've got a nightmare to deal with ...

just yesterday my mom put a laddu in my mouth saying " your bro has been placed in HCL tech. for 4 l.p.a " .

My bro being placed was in fact welcome but just that pay made the laddu harder for me to digest .

2 years into coll and i knew that my campus hadn't got someone recruited for even half the pay as my bro .

Now i don't want the cycle to go on once again and people (half of them unemployed ) calling me a failure ... yet again .

And this pressure to perform and get a job is driving me crazy .

... Hopes still alive ...