What's your worth ??

 

“Pretentious!” he said when I asked my brother about how my newly bought shoes looked. I was not able to figure out what it meant then. I assumed it was some fancy word for “its nice”.

Ten years later, I was in Whitefield, the IT capital of India to visit a friend and she asked “So, What do you think about the place?” and I said... Pretentious!!!

And this time I was pretty sure what it meant.

 “People spend the money they don’t have to buy things they don’t need to impress people they don’t like.”

Ever felt ashamed to attend a call on your nokia handset which you had been using comfortably for years just because you might be mocked at.

Tried on dresses you would otherwise not be wearing coz you’d be the only one in a jean in a place crowded with single piece gowns?

Went to those bread and cream serving high class eateries to keep your pride among your peers and paid a bill in thousands when all the while you were thinking about the delicious Hyderabadi biriyani of biriyani zone?

Ever done something and felt that its just not you or out of your comfort zone?

Yes, of course we have. And its not our fault. Most of the times its our pride at stake.

Those 10k blazers, Smartphones, Tablets, iPods, Car off the first salary, Team outings, Saturday night parties, Pizza Days and so on. Don’t even get me started on the list of things women do to keep up with their counterparts, a list of things which are highly valued by the superficial man.

These dream jobs come with a predefined lifestyle and a price tag attached to it.

That’s the price we have to pay to enter this so called corporate world and stay in it. Actually, We are just being dragged into a belief that it’s the latest culture and we tend to move along with the masses.

 But don’t you think we’re losing our identity, our whole belief system that we have developed throughout our life from various experiences and learning?

Of course we are. My decisions are supposed to be based on my need and not what the society demands.

Do I really need that smartphone?

Why an iPod when my phone can play songs?

Am I controlling traffic on internet that I have to just stay online all the time?

Do I have to buy that car on  my first salary which means that I can’t even spend on an emergency?

We are so much into trying to be someone else that we can’t see losing ourselves. But the choice is for a lifetime. Once you wear that mask, it becomes almost impossible to get out of it.

Your worth is not defined by the extras you have and fancy places you go to but by the values you hold onto.

So what’s your worth?

The Mask

It had been very long. It had protected me from doing things which otherwise could've ruined my life. All that, that wanted to get out of me had stuck to it. It helped me stay the very self inside without letting the outside world get to me. Yes ! I'm talking about the second face I put on in front of the world .. My mask !!


Now it was getting heavy. It was beginning to wear off. I didn't know how much longer I could hold onto it.

But I was not the only one wearing it. Everyone wore it and so successfully for so long that it had become a part of their self. Its a shield in fact, which one would get behind to protect that deep corner of one's heart which one would never dare to expose.

The mask was not the same. It took several colours. It gave me the liberty to choose who I wanted to be infront of the world, how I wanted it to look at me. It gave me a second me. I had grown into the mask. With every mistake and every fall, the mask grew bigger. By now, I had sculpted it to perfection.

The irony is that one cannot identify the mask of another so easily. Now I look at someone smiling at me and I cannot make out if its the mask or his genuine self that is smiling at me. Trust hardly makes sense now.

Ever had this constant nagging to throw off that mask and be yourself ??
But everytime you try to do that, you evaluate the consequences, the damage and back off. The stakes are just too big .. reputation, acquaintances, future .. phew !!!

The mask is a saviour indeed !
A saviour you'd never let go for reasons best known to your heart.

Ground Zero ..

 Men can be so selfish and self occupied at times .  

She was the one who kept me breathing when I was isolated from the rest of the world , the one who understood my pain and joy , the one who taught me to express my emotions to the outside world . She made me feel I was not alone . She had been with me through all my difficult times .

                                                         She did not come easy into my life . It took me several months of hardship and perseverance to find her . And now she is gone . All that she had expected from me was some time and attention . And I had been so insensitive that I had failed to see her gradually go far away from me and finally leave me .  It is true that you don’t realize the worth of something you possess until you lose it . I ignored her . I took her for granted. I was lazy and gave myself all the lame excuses for not attending to her . I pretended I was busy . But now .. I had lost her ..

                                                     Its hard to reclaim something that one has lost in his life . My passion for writing is what I had lost and to reclaim her is much harder . It needs patience and focus . You have to think of something different every single time – a new theme , a new perspective , a new way of narration etc., else you become monotonous . You have to give wings to your thoughts.All I need is a new sunrise.

And all this becomes ten times harder when you’ve had to work on nothing but CAT and MBA for the past  twelve months .Thanks to CAT prep , I have the goals listed above but the way to go about it –clueless .(Would have helped if CAT included a section on writing too !! :P) Now I put pen to paper and the best I could come up with was the different ways in which I could put my signature . Doesn’t really help , right !!!

So , never let your passion for something in you die down . Keep her alive . Give it some time and attention and  she would keep you alive .

Starting from ground zero , again .. In pursuit of my passion .

Cheers J

its all worth it ...

Its friendship day all over the world and people have been sending out flowers , greetings , e-mails etc wishing their close friends .. why not ?? .. for all the good things that’ve happened to us would not have happeed if not for them ..

But is it just the good stuff ???

Lets see ..

My best buddy is back from London for a month and the first thing he does .. wakes me at 2 a.m and says “ dude .. am not able to sleep .. unable to adjust .. so why don’t you come over ?? “

People who know what a best bud means would’ve realized that I was not requested but ordered to do so ..

When you have a friend ,

You’re not alone in “anything” !!!!

Now don’t get too ecstatic .. this is not as good as it sounds .. kind of an inside joke that you play on yourself .. trust me .. most often than not .. it spells trouble on you ..

No matter whose fault it is .. you become an automatic choice for the teacher /prof ..

Right from fifth std when it was “prayas & dinesh get out “ to now when it is “silambarasan & dinesh get out “ .. you don’t have a choice .. you just get dragged along .. no matter where he goes .. its like” buy one , get one free” …

You’re responsible !!

Whenever you become a close friend of someone you unknowingly take an oath holding yourself to be responsible for all his mistakes and deeds .. sounds kinda scape goattish right ?? exactly !!

Its like a mirror’s reflection .. As long as he is good .. they’ve no problems with you what so ever ( by they I mean his family ) but otherwise you’ll be held responsible for all his stuff .. mostly foul language , failing to respect elders ( prof) and all such crap (oops !! foul language .. sorry !!)

You’ll be looked upon as a evil creature who spoiled their “innocent child“ .. And all this coz you chose to stay a few nights at his place to play ps2 .

You’re a dead man !!!

Its even worse when he falls in love .. not only do you’ve to hear his lame one sided love story 24x7 ( ask mohan & simbu .. they know it better .. lol ) but also give him ideas as to what he can do to get his girl .

And if it fails .. you’re a dead man !! “ I lost her coz of you “ (as if he was in her arms before ) else you’ll have to hear him whining for the rest of your life !!

Now I know why friends give their everything to make a guy reach his love ..

You just can’t say a NO !!

If they can’t giv you enough reason to make you do something .. here goes the default phrase .. “ I’m asking you as a FRIEND “ and you just can’t say a no .. even if it means driving your drunken friend 16 kms across the city to his gf’s hostel on New Year’s eve just coz he wants to wish her exactly at 12 ..

Guess you get what I’m saying .. they can be a pain in your ass sometimes but what is life without all that .. in case I’ve hurt someone here .. “ avlo dana machan :P”

Cheers :)

8th may

Before whatever I’m about to say in the following few paragraphs , I’d like to dedicate this post to all mothers in this world who have no dreams but to make our dreams come true .. and especially to my mom .

Women , as we speak , are so difficult to be understood . But may be we miss the larger picture as we focus on only our age group . We start to wonder as to why they are so confusing and switch back and forth on their words . Well , lets keep the darker side of them apart (will discuss that on some other post :p)

Over these decades , so much has changed about them (its hard to be mentioning women everytime ..) they have become independent and courageous enough to venture into almost every field . Their vision has broadened and so has their world . But nothing has changed the way they are inside the family and that’s what makes them lovable ..

Girls are more attached to their families than guys are , something which is in their dna and a basic virtue which has not changed thou so many things about them has .. The presence of a little sister makes our family life more enjoyable and joyous than ever . Silly pillow fights ,to buy her an ice cream seeing her crave for one(have a natural sweet tooth) , pull her ribbon and so on .. happiness which money can’t buy (I’m smiling thinking about my 8 yr old cousin sis as I write this ..) would’ve dearly loved to have one of my own .. unlucky . Such is the happiness a girl can bring into a family .. sweet little angels ..

Very often we’ve heard that the love of women is the glue which holds a family together . And nothing can be compared to the unconditional love of a mother – “ epitome of kindness and love “ . I don’t know if becoming a mother imparts so much knowledge . There is nothing they don’t know about us . So often I wonder when my mom would say so much just by the way my bro would say “hello” on phone , so much intuitive . may be it was a guy who coined the term “ sharing “ but I’m damn sure it would’ve been a mother who first introduced it to the world .. Taught us so much about life . The only being who’ll love you to death and strive for your betterment no matter what it takes . It’s a word to us and world to them - “family”.

But what changes in that "between" phase when they don't know whats more important - family,love or career ?? still wondering ..

You can’t blame a girl for acting “crazy” in that transition period from a little girl to a mother . Their hearts are always bound by chains called family and relationships .. The exact things I stated above , bro’s affection , mom’s love , dad’s trust and so on . Its so hard to break these chains when one has been showered with nothing but love so far in her life . And no matter what they do in that “transition” period , its that affection and care they give back to their family as a mother which makes us respect and love them .

Love you mom ..