Cab ride to Office

The cooker let out a scream adding to the haste while I got my two year old Cinderella dressed. “Seethamma, anda cooker a konjam paarunga” , I shouted, asking my maid to take care of the cooker. I did my hair, pinned the saree (lecherous eyes at office !!) , took my lunchbox, packed my husband’s lunch and a thousand other things that a working wife has to do. I kissed my child, asked my maid to look after her and rushed towards my cab who had honked three times  expressing his frustration. 

“Should have married a techie, at least, our offices would have been in the same direction and he could drop me in our car. Well !! Let’s not open that door!” I thought to myself.

Soon, my colleagues started engaging in a dumb cheap ritual called gossip. I wore my headset and  looked away through the glass. Santosh Narayan's classic Aagayam Theepidicha Nila Thoonguma starts to soothe me while I sank into my own. 

“It was all very exciting to start with, College, friends, a few first dates, love, job, marriage – everything. Now that I ask myself if this is really what I sought is when I realize that its all meaningless. I studied to do a job I hate, to earn money that I don’t have time to enjoy. I’ll probably start saving so that my daughter can have a good life while I lived an ordinary one. Dream a thousand dreams for her and give her the financial freedom to pursue them and when she starts to, push her into marriage so that she can pass on her aspirations to her kids. Damn !! Is this all we are ever born for !! Is there no escape ?"

"But there are tiny moments of joy and happiness. Well !! At least there were, initially, first year of marriage. Like when he took me on a drive, brought home a rose after work, when I cooked his favourite mutton biryani and he would say – I love you jaanu !"

"Now, Its all about my kid. I smile only when I’m with her now. I and him, have no time for each other these days. It takes nine to reach home in this wretched Bengaluru traffic. He stares at the TV for a while, eats what the maid has cooked (I don’t think he even knows what he is eating anymore), plays with our kid for a while and dozes off."

"Can’t blame him entirely, he is mentally too tired since his new project started. On that, he has to work on Saturdays too. A word of advice, never marry someone who has to work on Saturdays !! Life shall never be colourful, It’ll be grey like their uniforms. (Yes ! he has to wear an uniform to work)

I just hope all this changes very soon. I already feel a distance with him. We both have prioritized our work lives so much that we didn't see our relationship slip away. There is no more spark there. It's crazy how life has shifted in these past five years since college. Earlier, we used to literally share our everyday lives on text messages. Right from Good morning Darling:*  to Honey .. Say something na .. I can't sleep ! we were with each other all the time. We spent time making each other feel special and important. And he would text me poems written just for me making me blush. Now, they have turned to one word pings on whatsapp and that too when it's absolutely necessary like I'll be late or Where are the car keys ? I cannot believe what we have become 

May be its me. I don't even give him the time I give to my stupid colleagues. May be I should take the first step and reignite things. Can't sit and wait around for him. I should start making conscious effort to make time for him. Make him feel important in my life. And I know he'll reciprocate all my love and effort. May be I'll cook him his biryani tonight. Let’s see if he still says, I love you jaanu !!”

My cab stops at my office, and I get down to carry on with my day.