Dear Love ..

Dear Love ..

I pondered the entire day trying to recount the encounter I've had with you so far in my life.

We have had a very on and off relationship with each other since my school days.. it took me a while to recognise that it was you and not just an infactuation or a crush ( Your stupid silly siblings confusing the lives of teenagers). And trust me, she tried her level best to blame it on them for the reason she looked smitten every time our eyes met. And even I brushed my feelings aside trying to ignore you till the moment she decided to bid a goodbye to our short time together.

She left and you showed up on my doorstep the next day. I blame you for all the sleepless nights I've had and my blunt emotionless demeanour while she was gone. You tormented me, made me jealous, angry and vulnerable at the same time. I fought you day in and day out trying to push you away from my life but you clingy creature hung on till I gave up and conceded to you. It was you - Love.

I wondered if its just the feeling of you was what I was missing then I could just find you in someone else again. But you evil twisted genius,you proved me wrong. It was her and none else. None could me make me feel you. And I admit. I enjoy your company.

So, the pursuit. Acted aloof, stalked her, drunk dialled her and did a thousand other things which would have gotten me a bloody restraining order had I been abroad. But India me toh this is the guide to find you. Finally gave up on my pursuit and gave up my hope of finding you ever back.

I let her move on. Sad and in agony, I missed you through her everyday for a horrible phase of my life. And finally out of pity, you evil twisted genius, decided to knock on her door.

And this time, we have both decided to grasp onto you. We're not letting you go.

So, I concede to you through her and I promise to treat you right this time. Enough of me trying to push you away and abusing you. I don't find happiness without you. I wanna wake up everyday knowing that you are in my life with her beside me. And for the part of you in her, I vouch for her happiness, her safety, her comfort and everything which makes her complete with you in her life through me.

In all, thanks for this bittersweet relationship we've had with each other and with her.

Sincerely yours,

A Man’s World !

“The best thing about being a woman is that, It’s a man’s world out there !!”

I had read the word Feminism and Feminists while I was still a boy but never really could wrap my head around it then because it was discussed and debated so less in stark contrast to what it is now. Today everyone is a feminist and everyone supports feminism but I’m still clueless about it as I was a decade back.

Nobody had the definition of a perfect woman back then.  Some thought it was okay for a woman to go out while some didin’t. Some educated their girls while others put them within the confines of their homes. Some felt it was not a woman’s place to interrupt while they spoke and cross their legs in front of others. Well !! Everyone had their own definition and everyone equally confused as the other. So, I as a boy had no clue as to how a woman should be.

I felt it weird when I entered my new school and there was a girl with a wooden ruler in her hand monitoring the class filled majorly with boys. It took me a while to settle down to this as so far I had seen girls as  timid and shy who whisper to each other. But this one was different. I was immediately drawn to her aura and confidence. She would walk around the class as if she owned it. In a class dominated by boys, it was unnatural that they let a girl feel equal  and a step further, be controlled by her. So, they would make fun of her walk and confront her decisions at every step trying to put her down. But she would silence them with one stare in their eyes. Nobody dared further. She was every teacher’s favourite, she held the top rank and was extremely well behaved. I left a year later to a different school in a new city due to my dad’s transfer.

Years later, found out through a friend that she was also in my college. I was wondering what she had grown into. Had the years changed her ? Had she gained in confidence ? I was to find out. But I was so sure that no matter what, she would certainly stand out from the crowd and she did. She had joined Mechatronics while other girls usually preferred to join the comfortable Computer Science or IT Engineering. She didn’t mind getting her hands dirty and headed the Cultural Team at College of our year. While other girls garnered attention with the clothes they wore and the number of boys in pursuit of them, she roamed in a Khakhi uniform with mostly grease mark on the hands. She bothered less about what others thought of her and more about what she believed in. I was a mere spectator and admirer to all this.

A year later, a guy fell in love with her and after months of pursuit, wooed her to win her over. I was happy for her as she was often singled out by her friends ( Not just a men problem, even women cannot handle successful independent women !! )and now she had someone to truly care for her. She did not entirely let herself to trust him initially but after a few months, gained the confidence that he valued her aspirations and could be relied upon. She let her guard down and for the first time, actually wanted to have all those moments of chivalry from a man she loved. She had now begun to picture her dreams together with him. She loved the way he held her and made her feel safe, not that she needed anyone to protect her but this feeling  reassured her faith in him. She let him be the man in the relationship, she respected his ego and didn’t let him feel insecure. She helped him with his career aspirations and motivated him from being an average guy to a class apart. He even prepped for GATE so that he could give her a better life and got into IIT Madras. She had made the world of difference to his life.

While I and my other friends ended up in the IT sector, She went on to join Anand Automotives initially and then to Honeywell in Hyderabad. She was so sure to pursue her dreams and didn’t think twice about choosing her passion over other comfortable desk jobs.

A year later after college, I learned that she was going through some trouble in her relationship. The couple who once were head over heels in love with each other, couldn’t make the long distance relationship work. The distance and the resultant insecurity, caused the guy to question her loyalty, something she could never forgive him for. The guy had been too controlling and couldn’t take her outspoken and friendly nature at her workplace. He constantly complained about the clothes she wore and the group of friends  she hung out with. The job nature of a woman in a factory set up warrants interaction with men and her guy was not comfortable with that. After pestering her to move to Chennai, to abusing her emotionally ,to blaming her for his insecurities, she had had enough. She tried to hold on to the relationship she so truly believed but it was time to let go. It was hard for a butterfly to feel trapped and she didn’t. She woke up one day and felt she had already moved on from him. Not to anyone else, but to greater things in life.

So, it’s really upon women to decide if they want to play the victim card or feel powerful.

I as a boy had no clue as to how a woman should be. As a man, I still don’t because a man is not the one to decide how a woman should be !!

Just admire, embrace and cherish them.