Aap Jaisa Koi !!

Watching this romcom of Madhavan and Fatima, I felt a quiet friction - between romance and gender role, between emotional language and social expectation. Especially for men, the terrain of adaptation feels steep and unforgiving.

Across generations, men have inherited a role forged in duty and restraint. Strength was their language. Vulnerability, a dissonant chord. But with evolving societal norms, especially the rise of feminist consciousness, the expectations around masculinity are shifting fast, sometimes too fast to be humane.

While feminism has earned space to evolve - rightfully, and often loudly, masculinity is expected to transform instantly. Men are asked to unlearn centuries of silence, rewire expressions, and soften edges without first being offered a vocabulary, let alone grace.

When Fatima says her ex was a MCP - Male Chauvinist Pig so conveniently and casually, I wonder, would it be received with the same non chalance had her ex called her a PFB - Pseudo Feministic Bitch ??

Labels sting differently when the power to use them isn’t mutual. This asymmetry cuts deeper than discomfort. It cuts into identity.

Women today navigate multiple roles—professional, personal, emotional—with increasing societal permission. They’re allowed nuance. Men, meanwhile, are often stuck between the outdated model of dominance and the modern demand for emotional fluency. There’s no handbook. Just judgment.

In relationships, this tension manifests starkly.
Many modern partnerships preach equality but practice conditional freedom: where a woman may choose whether to work, but a man is expected to earn more than the woman, without complaint. Emotional depth is encouraged, but only if it doesn't distract from financial reliability.

The world might collapse if a man were to ask for the "choice to work."
Obviously! because kamaana toh mard ka kaam hai!
There's even a saying in Tamil: "Udyogam purusha lakshanam" - Employment is the mark of a man.

So men are born with, grow up with, and live under the expectation that they must work, and only then will they be deemed “men.”

I once met a potential partner who mentioned that her ideal partner should earn at least five digits per month. Yet, she had been at home for ten years post-college, still figuring out her own career. Had I called out the hypocrisy, I would’ve been branded a chauvinist. I was expected to accept it gracefully and provide for both of us, without a fuss.

But we choose not to call it hypocrisy. It’s a culture mid-transition. And transitions are messy. The divorce rates don't help the cause either.

Popular media only muddies the water.
Soap operas simplify emotion into spectacle. Male characters are either brutes or broken. Female characters oscillate between victimhood and vengeance. Rarely do we see stories where both navigate complexity with dignity.

What we need is a world where men and women are both allowed to feel, falter, and grow. Let go of rigid expectations—providers and nurturers can be any gender. We need stories that reflect nuanced masculinity, not just punished patriarchy. Don’t demand immediate transformation. Invite it with empathy.

Men aren't afraid of feeling.
They're afraid of being punished for feeling.
Ashamed for wanting to build together.

Let’s build spaces - be it a classroom, a café, or a culture—that invite everyone to unlearn with dignity. The wall doesn’t need demolition - it needs windows. Let it be carved, not cracked. Painted, not judged. Maybe then, we’ll outgrow the need for labels like MCP or PFB. Maybe then, we’ll stop defining each other by how loudly we resist or conform and start listening to the quiet truths we all carry.