its only fair ..

I had just stepped into the other half of the world .

So far , I had a “ special “ attention on me all the time . I had enjoyed the unconditional love and the warmth of my family and friends . They were very supportive and helpful . In fact , they never let me do anything . Everything in my life was special and custom made , from the dress I wore to the bed I slept and so on . Everyone else had a two wheeler but I drove on all fours . Was given the priority wherever I went . I felt like a V.I.P when I didn’t even have to get up as the teacher came into the class . I didn’t have to find reasons for coming late to class .

The only thing which irritated me in this world was the way people exclaimed “oh! Poor kid ...” on seeing me. But I didn’t mind settling for that kind of a deal when I had so many cut-offs and preferences coming my way . I had tried to focus only on the water filled part of the glass and was quite successful until the day I shifted to a new school in 11^th.

I don’t know what makes people think that new-entries are a pushover . Like everybody else , I went through a rough patch trying to adjust to new environs and it got rougher when I was beaten up by a group of bullies at my school . Couldn’t do much except limp my way back home. The one bad thing about getting hurt is that the pain worsens with time. And this time it hurt more inside. It’s more of a guy thing when you’re suppressed. U just can’t take it. Something had to convince my sub-conscience and not let it deter. I tried to pity those guys for trying to establish their physical supremacy over me. I said to myself that I’ll forgive them in my heart and give a smile back at them to have them humiliated but I knew , I was talking crap. I wanted revenge . I would have dearly loved to beat them up and kick their ass if only the creator hadn’t made a mistake with my legs. But I didn’t have a choice.. Had to go for the stupid forgiving stuff. I hated it. For the first time, I missed being “normal”.

At some point of time the empty part of the glass had to unveil. I had been long broken but it hit me only now, breaking my confidence. The world left me crippled again. May be I had to discover my boundaries. I knew I can’t be impulsive and let my adrenaline pump high . When there is pretty much nothing you can do to help your cause, you start accepting things and move on. My world now had only two types of people , the ones who pitied on me and the ones whom I pitied upon. Life is a bed of roses, has both petals and thorns. I’m just happy that I have one foot lesser to step on the thorns.

Cheers J

“ a page from the diary of a physically challenged “

Crossing the LINE ....

Friendship between two people belonging to opposite sex is very complicated when compared with the normal guy-guy stuff or gal-gal stuff .... You have to keep a distance when it comes to the first case. The closer you get, the distance ultimately narrows down to just a line ....

You meet a gal, like her and start talking to her .... and

A YEAR LATER ....

"You're a jerk. I never thought you had these intentions on me. Thats it between us."

Probably someone who had crossed that dreaded line with his friend would be expected to be immediately sorry .... but a simple 3 letter word can be so capricious that it could simply break your relationship .... EGO.

Instead of a sorry .... you say .... You're blowing this too much and turn your faces against each other ....

2 YEARS LATER ....

Who yields first stage .... this is the stage wherein you hold on to your ego and want the other one to come and restart things ....

But no matter how many times this experiment is carried on .... the result is the same .... and
GUYS YIELD FIRST ....

and then its all about smiling at her to start with and then atleast a 100 hundred sorry before you actually find out that she no longer recognizes you .... In her eyes, you don't even exist ....

MOVING ON ....

Its so disturbing for a guy to know that everything in his life is ruined but nothing has affected her .... She infact now excels at everything in your absence .... After getting treated as a non-living thing and being looked down upon, you finally realize that its time to move on when she already has ....

And this is where beer helps
" if she doesn't miss me, am not gonna miss her either .... "
The moment you say this to yourself you're gone .... You start to miss her like never before .... you see around and everywhere she is there .... and love happens.

But all that insult and the injury caused by her stops you from approaching her again ....

3 YEARS LATER ....

Every guy wants to be successful in both his love and his career .... But in this case you do but she doesn't .... so you probably feel " whats the point in waiting ? " and give your career a priority ....

Your mind says sensible stuff which your heart denies to listen .... you just can't let her go .... now you don't know what to do and you say to yourself .... " This is the last time am gonna try .... aur jo hoga dekha jayega .... " you pick up the phone and dial her number ....

tring .... tring .... tring ....
She picks up and says " HELLO ....

4 YEARS LATER ....

? ? ? ? ? ?

scribbled at 1 a.m

So often i've tried to think of so many other things to write about .. like emotions , pranks , happenings , family and so on .. But i come to a point called love and no more am able to think of anything else that i just mentioned before ..

I just sorta realised why so many love stories were made .. everything with a different aspect of it ... don't know how many more dimensions are yet to be added .. just to make it even more complicated ..

God is quite a genius ... to have created every girl so different from one another ... but they all have a common attribute .. their complexity .. so complicated and so sensitive ( half a guy's life is spent in asking sorry ) .. what are they ? unsolvable mysteries ??? atleast neo cube has a particular method which helps solve it easier .. but with women no one's got that option .. ( joey ! may be )

May be all these stupid thoughts won't be running on my mind if only i didn't have vinnaithaandi varuvaaya playing on my desktop right now ... man ! this movie has left quite an impression ..

Generally all girls .. but a specific kind of them are even more harder to handle .. the ones who are
1 . Bound by family traditions .. simply orthodox ..
2. Have an attitude , ego and stuff ..
3. Compulsive speakers of one's own self ..
4. Possess a changing mindset of course ! ( even mind readers won't help )
5. Repel on hearing words such as guys , love and u know what ..

But still we fall for them ..

And the way "these" girls transform men is amazing .. They literally make a guy to beg for a relationship which otherwise would be the last thing on a guy's mind .. Every guy has a Chandler " freaking out about commitment thing" in him .. wanting to just hang out with girls .. no relationship .. no strings attached .. no pain and all fun .. ( i certainly need to watch friends less !)

Normally .. you'll not be even friends with these people if only they had not landed up in the opposite sex .. But now that .. they are what they are .. i.e. GIRLS ..
you do tend to fall in love and convince yourself with a stupid logic which says " opposite poles attract " omg !!!! what do these girls possess ?? A magic whip of love or something ?
And you end up fighting and making up every other day until the day they desert you for their " family " .. ( yeah ! guys live on streets )

Now all you've got is pain and no fun .. and as days go by .. you kinda learn to live in that pain and infact you start enjoying it .. But thats how it is .. love .. so weird and so confusing ..
love at its complicated best ... cheers :)

It just happened ..

You can decide so many things in life .. you probably have a choice of a yes or a no .But relationships can be a bit tricky .. here u need the consent of two people to be in one .. sometimes even expectations to be met.. So many things matter .. from which college you study to which bike u own and the list is never ending ...

But perhaps if there is something in this world which is a "no strings attached " relationship , that definitely has to be friendship ..


But unfortunately not all friends get to stay in ur life forever .. some fade out with each and every phase of life .. people change with with changing backgrounds , statuses and similar worldly hype added into their life .. not all stay the same after they get their prestigious degrees and get tagged as CEOs , MDs etc ..


The friends who were with us when we were nothing stay with us forever .. This one is to all my friends who've been with me all along in this beautiful journey of life , just to make it more beautiful ...
And i want some of my close friends to stay with me forever at least in this web page of mine ..

To start with ..

Mohan : I don't remember a lot studying with this guy .. yeah , he did study in my class but we were more close off the school .. met him first while playing cricket and that was probably the bond which has kept us together all these years ... He's a Sachin maniac (who is not ) and is an Arsenal lover .. It was just about playing the whole time with us till we got into 11th when girls came into "our" picture .. He had girls around him all the time .. Had the charm capable of sweeping any girl off her feet .. may be I was noticed less coz I was with him :( but had a lot of fun pairing him with other girls .. so many that i almost lost count !!! but its not just cricket and girls , we shared everything ..its so much fun to read the previous sentence in a different way ;) My best buddy ever :)

Russel : Nick ! The craziest guy i've ever been friends with ,still am .. Could you imagine someone paying his own ticket to get to the land of troubles ??? well ! thats what russel is all about .. Man! He has such guts .. could talk his way "into" any trouble .. and his sarcasm,his biggest enemy .
Nobody in 12 B2 could ever forget Russel Nickson and especially our thala "jerry" .. If someone can come up with " the never ending tales of Russel and Jerry " , I bet it'd be the best comic series of all times .. And to u .. dude ! I believe that u still don't have a gf ..

Balaji : A simple , humble guy who has no probs getting along with other people .. nothing complex about his character .. such a selfless personality .. but no show off , nothing .Helps everyone around , may it be monetary or with one's studies .. wait a second ! this is starting to sound like a testimonial ..
what do u remember about balaji ? and ppl would immediately say .. He always mocks at others ..yeah .. you don't wanna be a girl when this guy is around and it gets worse when nick is there to his help .. mocks at anything and everything of girls .. u know what i'm talking about .. And may be its coz of this attitude that he has still not found his share of feminine attraction towards him ..


Sarat : This guy is currently trying to be ... I don't know what !! WE sat besides each other in school .. His innocent face makes people say " No way he could have been behind all this " .. and of course to his credit he has never been behind one .. a typical son of a maths professor who excels in studies .. but God knows what the hell is he doing in this stupid college of mine !!!! He didn want to go to an NIT .. homesick .. Is that what you call it ??? And for God sake change those gry and white uniform of yours .. We've been outta school for a long time now ..

Simbu : "This is what i want you to be" .. Any mom would say this to his mischevious kid . No girls .. No bad habits .. A clean and pure idiot who has been with me to make people ask " How can you be friends with him and still not change ??????"
Nothing interesting in his life so far worth a mention .. I'm still not sure about his character ..
He's just too good to be someone's boyfriend .. thats all you can say .. sorry machan ..

Kalpana : The only girl so far in my life who has made me feel comfortable around her .. I've always felt strange talking with girls .. its may be coz of the way they think , they react and put their pride and ego before everything else .. But before meeting her i could have never written the above lines , i just did ..
Girls are gr8 to hang out with when we share a " take for granted " relationship and thats exactly what we share .. She has been frank with me thro'out and may be thats why we are still friends :)
and to you .. please keep that "twilight"thing of yours down for atleast a while .. you're never gonna find a vampire to fall in love with ...

refresh your pages of friendship and u'll find similar characters and loads of fun :)
cheers

P.S : Inspired by a "so called "friend :)

If only I knew . . .

Life is so cruel sometimes. It never gives you a chance to recover and regain things that you’ve lost.

Don’t worry! This time its not about love . . .

I was in NIT, Trichy for their cultural festival " FESTEMBER'10 " . Things were so grand and the preparations for the big event of ' pronite ' where Naresh Iyer was to sing along with Anuradha Sriram was in full swing.

That is something you don’t often get to see and something you don’t even dream about happening in your college if you hail from a college like mine . . . By this time you must have known how stupid and childish my college was if you had read my previous posts.

People often tell you " College is not something as you see in movies " but with NITs it was not so, they were even better.

I thought I could take a look around the college before the event. It took me nearly 2 hrs of walk across that 700 acre paradise and still I had not seen it all.

What do the NITs not have ??

I was in mixed emotions. I was awed at all those wonderful things I had seen and was also in sort of a grief as to what all my college lacked . . .

There was almost everything . . . from swimming pool to a cricket ground with training nets to music clubs to exclusive dance floors . . . Name it and it was there. And the most important thing I hadn’t seen any chudidars. Doesn’t mean there were not any girls but just that they were so fashionable and lively ( very much unlike my place ).

I tried not to bring that " comparison thing " in my mind. But on seeing these, I just couldn’t help cursing my college for what it was not. I came across a big computer centre with almost 5000 systems, all with internet and that was it !! . I had reached my saturation point and couldn’t take any of this " not my college thing ". Mine hardly had 5 systems with internet ( To dig in deep, they took an eternity to even load the GOOGLE home page ). . .

After slamming my college in my head and saying that F word atleast a 100 times, I walked really jealous to my friend’s room in the hostel to vent my anger and frustration a bit. I lay on his bed for a few minutes after which I heard a roar. I came outta the room and there was a street football match within the hostel.

Now to all of us who haven’t been in hostel, I tell you . . . Our life sucks ! Nothing like being a hosteller ( Not in my college, ofcourse ). There is nothing you can’t get in a hostel. Fun being the prime. I enjoyed night life to the core.

Inter-hostel LAN counterstrike tournaments, Street football, any time-whatever download, alternate day water supply, open terrace booze parties, mid night meet at Nescafe, hanging out with girls any time and everytime, North vs South cricket matches and common room EPL celebrations . . . Man ! Hostel life is so heavenly. What a loser I am !!

Now not only am I stuck in a school-like college, where people onnnnly study ( Even schools have extra-curriculars nowadays ) but to make it worse, I am a day-scholar ( Fuck ! I don’t deserve to be called a scholar even that way )

The best thing about any National Institute is the mixture of people you get to meet, a multi-cultural society. These colleges do serve as a window to the world ahead. Just imagine college life with a North-Eastern friend and a Punjabi kudi as a gf or from any other cultural background for that case. I miss every bit of a " Real " college life . . .

And the reason for all this being nobody but me. If only I had had a glimpse of my college in my 12^th, I would have not taken my entrance exams so lightly. And guess with what was I punished for my laziness? ? A college life which sucks !!!

But nothing is gonna change, as the saying goes " jo ho gaya, so ho gaya ". I consoled myself and entered the Barn to see Naresh Iyer rock the show. The crowd went gaga as Naresh Iyer sang Roo-bar-oo-oo-oo . . . Roshini . . . I along with the crowd joined him and that gave me some relief as I left NIT with a thought that I’ve also lived as an NITian ( Though not for long ).

Wise men learn from others’ experiences. I guess you are wise. Now am not gonna let another opportunity pass by and irritate you all once again saying " If only I knew . . . ".